לזכות רפואת אבי מורי ר' יצחק יונה בן חנה ור' מרדכי דוד בן קריינא ודינה ברכה בת אסתר הדסה בתוך שח"י

1. 

דברים כ"א:י"א

וְרָאִ֙יתָ֙ בַּשִּׁבְיָ֔ה אֵ֖שֶׁת יְפַת⁠־תֹּ֑אַר וְחָשַׁקְתָּ֣ בָ֔הּ וְלָקַחְתָּ֥ לְךָ֖ לְאִשָּֽׁה׃

and see among the captives a beautiful woman, and you have a desire to her, and would take her to you as wife;

ולקחת לך לאשה – לא דברה תורה אלא כנגד יצר הרע. אם אין הקב״ה מתירה ישאנה באיסור, אבל אם נשאה, סופו להיות שונאה, שנאמר אחריו: כי תהיינה לאיש וגומ׳, וסופו להוליד ממנה בן סורר ומורה. לכך נסמכו פרשיות הללו.

And you would take her as your wife - The Torah is speaking (makes this concession) only in view of man's evil inclination (his carnal desires) (Kiddushin 21b). For if the Holy One, blessed be He, would not permit her to him as a wife, he would nevertheless marry her although she would then be forbidden to him. However, if he does marry her, in the end he will hate her, for the Torah writes immediately afterwards, (v. 15) "If a man have two wives, one beloved, and another hated, etc." and ultimately he will beget a refractory and rebellious son by her (v. 18). It is for this reason that these sections are put in juxtaposition (Midrash Tanchuma, Ki Teitzei 1).

2. 

ובן סורר ומורה נהרג על שם סופו, הגיעה תורה לסוף דעתו, סוף שמכלה ממון אביו, ומבקש לימודו ואינו מוצא, ועומד בפרשת דרכים ומלסטס את הבריות. אמרה תורה: ימות זכאי, ואל ימות חייב.

The refractory and rebellious son is put to death on account of the final course his life must necessarily take (not because his present offence is deserving death); – the Torah has fathomed his ultimate disposition: in the end he will squander his fathers property and seeking in vain for the pleasures to which he has been accustomed, he will take his stand on the crossroads and rob people, and in some way or other make, himself liable to the death penalty. Says the Torah, "Let him die innocent of such crimes, and let him not die guilty of them" (Sifrei Devarim 220:3; Sanhedrin 72a).

3. How can we judge the בן סורר ומורה based on the future?? When it came to Yishmael - only the present was taken into account: 

וְאָמַר רַבִּי יִצְחָק: אֵין דָּנִין אֶת הָאָדָם אֶלָּא לְפִי מַעֲשָׂיו שֶׁל אוֹתָהּ שָׁעָה, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״כִּי שָׁמַע אֱלֹהִים אֶל קוֹל הַנַּעַר בַּאֲשֶׁר הוּא שָׁם״. 

And Rabbi Yitzchak said: A man is judged only according to his deeds at the time of his judgment, and not according to his future deeds, as it is stated with regard to Yishmael: “For God has heard the voice of the lad where he is” (Genesis 21:17). Although Yishmael and his descendants would act wickedly in the future, his prayer was heard and answered because he was innocent at the time. [Rosh Hashana 16b] 

4. How can the Torah permit the אשת יפת תורה?? Why doesn't the Torah just tell the soldiers to control their passions??!! 

5. All sin is rooted in the primordial sin of the Tree of Knowledge. What was the root of that sin that we must fix?? 

6. Rav Yosef [in Bava Kamma 87] has a dilemma as to whether it is better to be commanded and do or to volunteer - גדול המצווה ועושה או מי שאינו מצווה ועושה. The conclusion is that it is better to be commanded. The advantage of not being commanded and doing is that it comes from an internal desire and enthusiasm. AWESOME! But the downside is that it makes man the legislator, the ruler, the decisor. This can create a wedge between man and G-d. But when one follows the command, while he might lack the internal excitement and enthusiasm, the great benefit is that he is nullifying himself to the Divine will. So it is truly an act of G-d that he is performing. Due to his ביטול - self nullification, it might happen that no external signs of enthusiasm are evident. It is all coming from above with no "עצמיות" - personal stake.

Also, Hashem's command still hovers in the celestial spheres:

תהלים קי"ט:פ"ט

לְעוֹלָ֥ם יְהֹוָ֑ה דְּ֝בָרְךָ֗ נִצָּ֥ב בַּשָּׁמָֽיִם׃

Hashem, Your word stands fast in heaven forever.  

When we fulfill this command, we cling to Hashem and elevate all of the worlds. 

7. The mistake of Chava was that she tried to elevate her own desires to the level of Hashem's command. So she added the words "ולא תגעו בו" - that she may not touch the tree, which caused her to detach herself to a certain extent from Hashem. It was HER deciding what not to do and then attributing that to Hashem. Bad move.... 

8. Since the sin was corrupting the realm of אינו מצווה ועושה, the rectification of the חטא עץ הדעת is in that same realm. Her sin was trying to transform her own desires to the level of Divine command, so the tikkun is a proper relationship with אינו מצווה ועושה. 

9. This is where the idea of "דברי רשות" come in. It is our job to sanctify all of our seemingly mundane activities and engage in them for the sake of Hashem. But there are no specific laws attached to them so it remain אינו מצוה ועושה - uncommanded, in order to fix Chavah's sin of distorting the אינו מצווה ועושה [by falsely turning it into Hashem's command]. 

10. That is why the Torah permitted the אשת יפת תואר. The idea is that she should remain permitted and then the soldiers should refrain from engaging with her on an אינו מצווה ועושה level based on the juxtaposition of psukim that indicate that this is not a relationship worth pursuing - to say the least. 

11. Now, the ultimate rectification is to show that sin is only an external phenomenon but doesn't reach the innermost part of a person which always remains pure. This is unique to the Jewish people who were chosen by Hashem as His עם סגולה. As such, regardless of how we act there will always be a part of us unsullied by sin. 

12. The בן סורר ומורה is executed while he is still relatively innocent thanks to his pure essence. It is Divine favor that allows him to leave this world while still aligned with that essence [to a certain extent]. The נכרי doesn't have that privilege [and it could be that his sin does penetrate to his essence] and thus Yishmael was judged based not on what he will do in the future but on the present. So the distinction between the בן סורר ומורה being judged based on the future and Yishmael based on the present is that the בן סורר ומורה is a Jew who is judged based on his essence which can't be sullied and so we "let him off the hook" and he will die meritorious [זכאי] while Yishmael was not Jewish and was less connected to his essence so Hashem doesn't look there and he is judged based solely on where he is holding now - for better or for worse. 

13. When the Jews invest effort to connect to their pure essence then Hashem has mercy and judges them based not on the future but on the present באשר הוא שם. [Since we are doing Teshuva and are trying to connect to our essence there is no reason to judge based on the future if judging based on the present will be to our benefit.] That is how the gemara can derive from Yishmael that we too are judged באשר הוא שם.  

[עפ"י תורת מרן הגאון רבי יעקב משה חרל"פ זצ"ל]