Thank you. Thank you.

We say it all day long. We are immune to its true meaning. Sometimes it’s abbreviated to ‘thanks’, or ‘todah’ or ‘mucho gracias’ or ‘I appreciate it. The words exit our lips constantly throughout the day.

In Hebrew the word for thank you –todah- also means to acknowledge or admit. Saying thank you is some sort of acknowledgement or admission. This is truly a profound linking of connotations. I acknowledge you – the giver. I give to you back. I recognize what you have done and stop what I’m doing to acknowledge your importance in my life. The Hebrew word truly shares this idea. Taking is transformed into giving.

The fourth child of Leah – the one that put her on greater footing than her other 3 co-wives – is so named: Yehudah, sharing the root of the word todah. Leah knew through prophecy that her husband would produce 12 tribes. When she delivered her third son, she named him Levi, which means to accompany. She prayed that her husband, who favored her sister, would at least accompany her as being an equal to the others – having produced one quarter of the tribes. When her fourth was born, she thanked Hashem, for now having delivered more than her share. The son was named Yehudah, from the root of gratitude – Todah. Yehudah emerges as the leader of the tribes, the genes of Jewish monarchy and future redemption, and the source for our being labeled Jews.

So thank you. Thank you.

I for one want to thank so many people this Shabbas. We begin with the ultimate Source for gratitude, the Almighty, who spared us from this disaster. When people called after Sandy hit and asked me, “How are you? Do you have power?” my answer was “Baruch Hashem, no I do not have power.” I’m glad, however, that as of late Thursday night it switched to “Baruch Hashem, yes I do have power.” But the truth is, if you think about it, we have electrical power when Hashem allows it, but we actually have very little power in our lives. The power is in the hands of the Ribbono shel Olam and He chooses how to use it, whether to our benefit or not. We can pray and request it be used for our benefit and He usually hears us and benefits us.

I want to thank all those who graciously offered us food, baths, beds and everything else. I thank those who offered and I thank those whose services we actually used equally. There is a powerful Hebrew expression: baruch shekivanta, you are blessed for your intentions, even if they did not come to fruition.

I want to thank the individuals who helped us with minyanim. We kept changing the times and I appreciate those who value praying together and enabling those of like-mind to do so even by just showing up or allowing one’s kin over bar mitzvah to go to shul when there are other important things going on.

I want to thank Arthur Smith, Bennet Kfare, Judd Love and David Cohen, who inspect our eruv week after week. Without their commitment to this, our ability to wheel strollers, bring gifts to our hosts and walk with our house keys would not take place. We should never assume we can carry on Shabbat. I grew up without an eruv and value it, especially now with a need to push a stroller. But I know what it’s like to have special key belts, and the weekly inspection of all pockets before exiting a private domain.

Thank you to our public officials, from the federal government, state and local levels, who have dropped everything to simply help others. I would hope that while no one wants such disasters, it does give an opportunity to focus on the reasons people chose to serve the public. I hope we can state that without cynicism and would think that politicians on both sides of the aisle ultimately aim to serve first and foremost. I may be wrong, but I can still hope. We need to exhibit gratitude for the very fact that as Jews, women, African Americans, we can vote this Tuesday in a democratic election. I always feel a sense of power, exhilaration and pride exiting the voting booth, which is like a sukkah to me. Pulling those levers has always been a very moving experience and I’ve always wanted to utter a bracha when either entering or exiting.

And what can we say about those utility workers, riding on cherry pickers, working around the clock to restore our lives to the fortuitous luxury we expect. And we must tip our hats to our beloved police officers and our neighbors in the fire department. I hope to plan a more formal exhibition of gratitude to them. They deserve it.

I also want to acknowledge a call I received from Rabbi Binyamin Maryles, who currently is the chief executive of the National Council of Young Israel. He called me, as he did all the Young Israel rabbis affected by Sandy, just to see if we were ok and what he and the organization can do. I haven’t hesitated to criticize the national organization when I felt I needed to, but I thank Rabbi Maryles for his call. It was heartfelt, it was classy and meant a lot to me. I know as a resident of Long Island, he himself has plenty to deal with.

I want to share with you this morning an insight I learned this past Thursday. I think I’m fairly representative saying that I’d rather give than take. Most people above the most primitive definition of decent are. Perhaps our egos are fed when we give as well. We feel good doling out tuna at the local soup kitchen, or writing a charity check or helping someone out. We don’t do it for the thank you- we do it for altruistic or almost altruistic reasons. Any doctor will tell you that medical professionals make the worst patients. I know my wife says this as a nurse, and her job can be called ‘chessed dispenser’ in theological terms. So Thursday since the needle on our thermostat was approaching the number 50, we got out of the house and just drove around going from heated place to heated place. One of the stops was at Chabad, to deal with some administrative issues pertaining to my son’s enrollment in the Gan. We had just purchased a loaf of bread, some chips and peanut butter and were deciding where to eat our lunch. When I was asked the question to which I answered, “baruch Hashem, no we don’t!” we were practically lifted to Chabad’s simcha room downstairs to partake of their delicious food and renowned kindness. I’m so glad we went, not only because the food was great and hot! but because I realized something very important at that moment.

I was taking. I was not giving. And in order to give, you also have to know how to take. And it occurred to me that we learn this from the beginning of parshas Vayera.

"וירא אליו ה' באלני ממרא, והוא ישב פתח האהל כחם היום. וישא עיניו וירא והנה שלשה אנשים נצבים עליו, וירא וירץ לקראתם מפתח האהל וישתחו ארצה" (ב�

“And the Lord appeared to him in the plains of Mamre; and he sat in the tent door in the heat of the day. And he lifted up his eyes and looked, and, lo, three men stood by him; and when he saw them, he ran to meet them from the tent door, and bowed himself to the ground” (Bereshis 18:1-2).

Rashi makes several comments on these opening two verses, but I’d like to share two of them. First, he shares (based on Sota 14a and Tanchuma yashan) that Hashem’s appearance here was to visit the sick, as this visit took place on the third day since Avraham’s self-circumcision, known to be the most painful day of recuperation. Second, Rashi (citing Shabbos 127a) claims that Avraham asked Hashem to hold on while he took care of the guests.

He put the Almighty on hold. That can’t be good for someone’s career right? Wrong. Our sages proclaimed, based on our verses:

גדולה הכנסת אורחים מקבלת פני השכינה
Welcoming guests is greater than receiving the Divine Presence.

Hashem ‘so to speak’ came to visit Avraham as he lay ailing. And three strangers – nobodies – walk by his house. They don’t even come to him. Avraham runs – in his condition! – to them. Our sages suggest that he washed their feet because they were idolators, not people Avraham went to shul with. This can be compared to someone receiving a visit from the President of the United States. The president flies on Air Force One and then shows up with his impressive motorcade. Even Governor Christie has to be impressed with that! As the president is talking to you, you jump up and go take care of some people outside who are not necessarily seeking your intervention or are not even known to you. In olden days one would hear “Off with his head” for such an offense. Yet our sages find sanction and support for Avraham’s actions.

But look at the order. Avraham is taking – he’s receiving the guest. Then he has an opportunity to give to strangers and runs to do so. Perhaps Avraham too was much more comfortable giving than taking. But Hashem also teaches a great lesson. In order to give, you must know how to take. We become better givers if we know how to take. I’ve been told that psychologists and social workers at hospitals make this point to people who are entering a difficult and challenging medical phase. Don’t be heroic. Take help! You will be a much better giver if you’ve been on the receiving end.

But the message does not end there. Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler offers us a valuable insight into human consciousness. Rav Dessler was a disciple of the mussar school who lived in Lithuania, England and ended his life in Bnei Brak, as the mashgiach ruchani of the Ponivezh yeshiva. His writings were compiled by his students into a multi-volume set known as ‘Michtav Me’Eliyahu. In the earlier chapters of his work, he penned a monograph called Kuntras hachessed, the monograph of Chessed. An Israeli friend once told me that the Chief Rabbinate made all couples hoping to wed to read it for its insights into human relationships and giving and taking.

In the work, Rav Dessler talks extensively about givers and takers. But he makes the point that one can give when taking and one can take when giving. He uses the example as an egotistical philanthropist who gives money so his name and benevolence will be publicized to the world. This person really takes when giving. Conversely, he cites the case of the sainted Chafetz Chayim who operated a bakery in order to make a livelihood. Once he earned enough, he closed since he did not want to adversely affect the other bakeries in town. There he can give when taking.

Often guests bring a gift to the host. I’ve seen hosts turn that moment into a giving moment- when taking the gift – making the guest feel like the host. I’ve also seen the opposite.

That’s why the Hebrew word Todah is so brilliant. When you say thank you, you can transform receiving into giving. You acknowledge someone and so many of us just want to be acknowledged, want to be valued, want to feel important in the eyes of others. Giving and taking is a cycle. We call an animated discussion a ‘give and take’ because it goes back and forth. One can receive and give at the very same moment. A host means that you make your guest feel important, you listen to them, you value them, you spend time with them. The Hebrew word for giving is 'natan' which has been pointed out is a palindrome dine giving and taking are do interconnected.

Given our pre-occupations with our multiple communication devices, are we really spending enough time acknowledging the value of those people close to us or even our guests? Are we allowing takers to give? That perhaps is the greatest chessed of all, traits relevant to the chassadim of this past week, characteristics we learn from the kindness of Avraham and Sarah.